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				|  MOONWALK - KNJIGA |   |  
				| KNJIGA - MOONWALK 
 Michael Jackson
 
 Moonwalk
 
 Chapter One – Just Kids With A Dream
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 I've always wanted to be able to tell stories, you know, stories that came
 from my soul. I'd like to sit by a fire and tell people stories - make them
 see pictures, make them cry and laugh, take them anywhere emotionally with
 something as deceptively simple as words. I'd like to tell tales to move
 their souls and transform them. I've always wanted to be able to do that.
 Imagine how the great writers must feel, knowing they have that power. I
 sometimes feel I could do it. It's something I'd like to develop. In a way,
 songwriting uses the same skills, creates the emotional highs and lows, but
 the story is a sketch. It's quicksilver. There are very few books written on
 the art of storytelling, how to grip listeners, how to get a group of people
 together and amuse them. No costumes, no makeup, no nothing, just you and
 your voice, and your powerful ability to take them anywhere, to transform
 their lives, if only for minutes.
 
 As I begin to tell my story, I want to repeat what I usually say to people
 when they ask me about my earliest days with the Jackson 5: I was so little
 when we began to work on our music that I really don't remember much about
 it. Most people have the luxury of careers that start when they're old
 enough to know exactly what they're doing and why, but, of course, that
 wasn't true of me. They remember everything that happened to them, but I was
 only five years old. When you're a show business child, you really don't
 have the maturity to understand a great deal of what is going on around you.
 People make a lot of decisions concerning your life when you're out of the
 room. So here's what I remember. I remember singing at the top of my voice
 and dancing with real joy and working too hard for a child. Of course, there
 are many details I don't remember at all. I do remember the Jackson 5 really
 taking off when I was only eight or nine.
 
 I was born in Gary, Indiana, on a late summer night in 1958, the seventh of
 my parents' nine children. My father, Joe Jackson, was born in Arkansas, and
 in 1949 he married my mother, Katherine Scruse, whose people came from
 Alabama. My sister Maureen was born the following year and had the tough job
 of being the oldest. Jackie, Tito, Jermaine, LaToya, and Marlon were all
 next in line. Randy and Janet came after me.
 
 A part of my earliest memories is my father's job working in the steel mill.
 It was tough, mind-numbing work and he played music for escape. At the same
 time, my mother was working in a department store. Because of my father, and
 because of my mother's own love of music, we heard it all the time at home.
 My father and his brother had a group called the Falcons who were the local
 R&B band. My father played the guitar, as did his brother. They would do
 some of the great early rock ¦n' roll and blues songs by Chuck Berry, Little
 Richard, Otis Redding, you name it. All those styles were amazing and each
 had an influence on Joe and on us, although we were too young to know it at
 the time. The Falcons practised in the living room of our house in Gary, so
 I was raised on R&B. Since we were nine kids and my father's brother had
 eight of his own, our combined numbers made for a huge family. Music was
 what we did for entertainment and those times helped keep us together and
 kind of encouraged my father to be a family-oriented man. The Jackson 5 were
 born out of this tradition - we later became the Jacksons - and because of
 this training and musical tradition, I moved out on my own and established a
 sound that is mine.
 
 I remember my childhood as mostly work, even though I loved to sing. I
 wasn't forced into this business by stage parents the way Judy Garland was.
 I did it because I enjoyed it and because it was as natural to me as drawing
 a breath and exhaling it. I did it because I was compelled to do it, not my
 parents or family, but by my own inner life in the world of music.
 
 There were times, let me make that clear, when I'd come home from school and
 I'd only have time to put my books down and get ready for the studio. Once
 there, I'd sing until late at night, until it was past my bedtime, really.
 There was a park across the street from the Motown studio, and I can
 remember looking at those kids playing games. I'd just stare at them in
 wonder - I couldn't imagine such freedom, such a carefree life - and wish
 more than anything that I had that kind of freedom, that I could walk away
 and be like them. So there were sad moments in my childhood. It's true for
 any child star. Elizabeth Taylor told me she felt the same way. When you're
 young and you're working, the world can seem awfully unfair. I wasn't forced
 to be little Michael the lead singer - I did it and I loved it - but it was
 hard work. If we were doing an album, for example, we'd go off to the studio
 after school and I might or might not get a snack. Sometimes there just
 wasn't time. I'd come home, exhausted, and it'd be eleven or twelve and past
 time to go to bed.
 
 So I very much identify with anyone who worked as a child. I know how they
 struggled, I know what they sacrificed. I also know what they learned. I've
 learned that it becomes more of a challenge as one gets older. I feel old
 for some reason. I really feel like an old soul, someone who's seen a lot
 and experienced a lot. Because of all the years I've clocked in, it's hard
 for me to accept that I am only twenty-nine. I've been in the business for
 twenty-four years. Sometimes I feel like I should be near the end of my
 life, turning eighty, with people patting me on the back. That's what comes
 from starting so young.
 
 When I first performed with my brothers, we were known as the Jacksons. We
 would later become the Jackson 5. Still later, after we left Motown, we
 would reclaim the Jacksons name again.
 
 Every one of my albums or the group's albums has been dedicated to our
 mother, Katherine Jackson, since we took over our own careers and began to
 produce our own music. My first memories are of her holding me and singing
 songs like "You Are My Sunshine" and "Cotton Fields." She sang to me and to
 my brothers and sisters often. Even though she had lived in Indiana for some
 time, my mother grew up in Alabama, and in that part of the country it was
 just as common for black people to be raised with country and western music
 on the radio as it was for them to hear spirituals in church. She likes
 Willie Nelson to this day. She has always had a beautiful voice and I
 suppose I got my singing ability from my mother and, of course, from God.
 
 Mom played the clarinet and the piano, which she taught my oldest sister,
 Maureen, whom we call Rebbie, to play, just as she'd teach my other older
 sister, LaToya. My mother knew, from an early age, that she would never
 perform the music she loved in front of others, not because she didn't have
 the talent and the ability, but because she was crippled by polio as a
 child. She got over the disease, but not without a permanent limp in her
 walk. She had to miss a great deal of school as a child, but she told us
 that she was lucky to recover at a time when many died from the disease. I
 remember how important it was to her that we got the sugar-cube vaccine. She
 even made us miss a youth club show one Saturday afternoon - that's how
 important it was in our family.
 
 My mother knew her polio was not a curse but a test that God gave her to
 triumph over, and she instilled in me a love of Him that I will always have.
 She taught me that my talent for singing and dancing was as much God's work
 as a beautiful sunset or a storm that left snow for children to play in.
 Despite all the time we spent rehearsing and travelling, Mom would find time
 to take me to the Kingdom Hall of the Jehovah's Witnesses, usually with
 Rebbie and LaToya.
 
 Years later, after we had left Gary, we performed on "The Ed Sullivan Show",
 the live Sunday night variety show where America first saw the Beatles,
 Elvis, and Sly and the Family Stone. After the show, Mr. Sullivan
 complimented and thanked each of us; but I was thinking about what he had
 said to me before the show. I had been wandering around backstage, like the
 kid in the Pepsi commercial, and ran into Mr. Sullivan. He seemed glad to
 see me and shook my hand, but before he let it go he had a special message
 for me. It was 1970, a year when some of the best people in rock were losing
 their lives to drugs and alcohol. An older, wiser generation in show
 business was unprepared to lose its very young. Some people had already said
 that I reminded them of Frankie Lymon, a great young singer of the 1950s who
 lost his life that way. Ed Sullivan may have been thinking of all this when
 he told me, "Never forget where your talent came from, that your talent is a
 gift from God."
 
 I was grateful for his kindness, but I could have told him that my mother
 had never let me forget. I never had polio, which is a frightening thing for
 a dancer to think about, but I knew God had tested me and my brothers and
 sisters in other ways - our large family, our tiny house, the small amount
 of money we had to make ends meet, even the jealous kids in the
 neighbourhood who threw rocks at our windows while we rehearsed, yelling
 that we'd never make it. When I think of my mother and our early years, I
 can tell you there are rewards that go far beyond money and public acclaim
 and awards.
 
 My mother was a great provider. If she found out that one of us had an
 interest in something, she would encourage it if there was any possible way.
 If I developed an interest in movie stars, for instance, she'd come home
 with an armful of books about famous stars. Even with nine children she
 treated each of us like an only child. There isn't one of us who's ever
 forgotten what a hard worker and great provider she was. It's an old story.
 Every child thinks their mother is the greatest mother in the world, but we
 Jacksons never lost that feeling. Because of Katherine's gentleness, warmth,
 and attention, I can't imagine what it must be like to grow up without a
 mother's love.
 
 One thing I know about children is that if they don't get the love they need
 from their parents, they'll get it from someone else and cling to that
 person, a grandparent, anyone. We never had to look for anyone else with my
 mother around. The lessons she taught us were invaluable. Kindness, love,
 and consideration for other people headed her list. Don't hurt people. Never
 beg. Never freeload. Those were sins at our house. She always wanted us to
 give , but she never wanted us to ask or beg. That's the way she is.
 
 I remember a good story about my mother that illustrates her nature. One
 day, back in Gary, when I was real little, this man knocked on everybody's
 door early in the morning. He was bleeding so badly you could see where he'd
 been around the neighbourhood. No one would let him in. Finally he got to
 our door and he started banging and knocking. Mother let him in at once.
 Now, most people would have been too afraid to do that, but that's my
 mother. I can remember waking up and finding blood on our floor. I wish we
 could all be more like Mum.
 
 The earliest memories I have of my father are of him coming home from the
 steel mill with a big bag of glazed doughnuts for all of us. My brothers and
 I could really eat back then and that bag would disappear with a snap of the
 fingers. He used to take us all to the merry-go-round in the park, but I was
 so young I don't remember that very well.
 
 My father has always been something of a mystery to me and he knows it. One
 of the few things I regret most is never being able to have a real closeness
 with him. He built a shell around himself over the years and, once he
 stopped talking about our family business, he found it hard to relate to us.
 We'd all be together and he'd just leave the room. Even today it's hard for
 him to touch on father and son stuff because he's too embarrassed. When I
 see that he is, I become embarrassed, too.
 
 My father did always protect us and that's no small feat. He always tried to
 make sure people didn't cheat us. He looked after our interests in the best
 ways. He might have made a few mistakes along the way, but he always thought
 he was doing what was right for his family. And, of course, most of what my
 father helped us accomplish was wonderful and unique, especially in regard
 to our relationships with companies and people in the business. I'd say we
 were among a fortunate few artists who walked away from a childhood in the
 business with anything substantial - money, real estate, other investments.
 My father set all these up for us. He looked out for both our interests and
 his. To this day I'm so thankful he didn't try to take all our money for
 himself the way so many parents of child stars have. Imagine stealing from
 your own children. My father never did anything like that. But I still don't
 know him, and that's sad for a son who hungers to understand his own father.
 He's still a mystery man to me and he may always be one.
 
 What I got from my father wasn't necessarily God-given, though the Bible
 says you reap what you sow. When we were coming along, Dad said that in a
 different way, but the message was just as clear: You could have all the
 talent in the world, but if you didn't prepare and plan, it wouldn't do you
 any good.
 
 Joe Jackson had always loved singing and music as much as my mother did, but
 he also knew there was a world beyond Jackson Street. I wasn't old enough to
 remember his band, the Falcons, but they came over to our house to rehearse
 on weekends. The music took them away from their jobs at the steel mill,
 where Dad drove a crane. The Falcons would play all over town, and in clubs
 and colleges around northern Indiana and Chicago. At the rehearsals at our
 house, Dad would bring his guitar out of the closet and plug it into the amp
 he kept in the basement. He'd always loved rhythm and blues and that guitar
 was his pride and joy. The closet where the guitar was kept was considered
 an almost sacred place. Needless to say, it was off-limits to us kids. Dad
 didn't go to Kingdom Hall with us, but both Mom and Dad knew that music was
 a way of keeping our family together in a neighbourhood where gangs
 recruited kids my brothers' ages. The three oldest boys would always have an
 excuse to around when the Falcons came over. Dad let them think they were
 being given a special treat by being allowed to listen, but he was actually
 eager to have them there.
 
 Tito watched everything that was going on with the greatest interest. He'd
 taken saxophone in school, but he could tell his hands were big enough to
 grab the chords and slip the riffs that my father played. It made sense that
 he'd catch on, because Tito looked so much like my father that we all
 expected him to share Dad's talents. The extent of the resemblance was scary
 as he got older. Maybe my father noticed Tito's zeal because he laid down
 rules for all my brothers: No one was to touch the guitar while he was out.
 Period.
 
 Therefore, Jackie, Tito, and Jermaine were careful to see that Mom was in
 the kitchen when they "borrowed" the guitar. They were also careful not to
 make any noise while removing it. They would then go back to our room and
 put on the radio or the little portable record player so they could play
 along. Tito would hoist the guitar onto his belly as he sat on the bed and
 prop it up. He took turns with Jackie and Jermaine, and they'd all try the
 scales they were learning in school as well as try to figure out how to get
 the "Green Onions" part they'd hear on the radio.
 
 By now I was old enough to sneak in and watch if I promised not to tell. One
 day Mom finally caught them, and we were all worried. She scolded the boys,
 but said she wouldn't tell Dad as long as we were careful. She knew that
 guitar was keeping them from running with a bad crowd and maybe getting beat
 up, so she wasn't about to take away anything that kept them within arm's
 reach.
 
 Of course, something had to give sooner or later, and one day a string
 broke. My brothers panicked. There wasn't time to get it repaired before Dad
 came home, and besides, none if us knew how to go about getting it fixed. My
 brothers never figured out what to do, so they put the guitar back in the
 closet and hoped fervently that my father would think it broke by itself. Of
 course, Dad didn't buy that, and he was furious. My sisters told me to stay
 out of it and keep a low profile. I heard Tito crying after Dad found out
 and I went to investigate, of course. Tito was on his bed crying when Dad
 came back and motioned for him to get up. Tito was scared, but my father
 just stood there, holding his favourite guitar. He gave Tito a hard,
 penetrating look and said, "Let me see what you can do."
 
 My brother pulled himself together and started to play a few runs he had
 taught himself. When my father saw how well Tito could play, he knew he'd
 obviously been practising and he realised that Tito and the rest of us
 didn't treat his favourite guitar as if it were a toy. It became clear to
 him that what had happened had been only an accident. At this point my
 mother stepped in and voiced her enthusiasm for our musical ability. She
 told him that we boys had talent and he should listen to us. She kept
 pushing for us, so one day he began to listen and he liked what he heard.
 Tito, Jackie, and Jermaine started rehearsing together in earnest. A couple
 of years later, when I was about five, Mom pointed out to my father that I
 was a good singer and could play the bongos. I became a member of the group.
 
 About then my father decided that what was happening in his family was
 serious. Gradually he began spending less time with the Falcons and more
 with us. We'd just woodshed together and he'd give us some tips and teach us
 techniques on the guitar. Marlon and I weren't old enough to play, but we'd
 watch when my father rehearsed the older boys and we were learning when we
 watched. The ban on using Dad's guitar still held when he wasn't around, but
 my brothers loved using it when they could. The house on Jackson Street was
 bursting with music. Dad and Mom had paid for music lessons for Rebbie and
 Jackie when they were little kids, so they had a good background. The rest
 of us had music class and band in the Gary schools, but no amount of
 practice was enough to harness all that energy.
 
 The Falcons were still earning money, however infrequent their gigs, and
 that extra money was important to us. It was enough to keep food on the
 table for a growing family but not enough to give us things that weren't
 necessary. Mom was working part-time at Sears, Dad was still working the
 mill job, and no one was going hungry, but I think, looking back, that
 things must have seemed one big dead end.
 
 One day Dad was late coming home and Mom began to get worried. By the time
 he arrived, she was ready to give him a piece of her mind, something we boys
 didn't mind witnessing once in a while just to see if he could take it like
 he dished it out, but when he poked his head through the door, he had a
 mischievous look on his face and he was hiding something behind his back. We
 were all shocked when he produced a gleaming red guitar, slightly smaller
 than the one in the closet. We were all hoping this meant we'd get the old
 one. But Dad said the new guitar was Tito's. We gathered around to admire
 it, while Dad told Tito he had to share it with anyone who would practice .
 We were not to take it to school to show it off. This was a serious present
 and that day was a momentous occasion for the Jackson family.
 
 Mom was happy for us, but she also knew her husband. She was more aware than
 we of the big ambitions and plans he had for us. He'd begun talking to her
 at night after we kids were asleep. He had dreams and those dreams didn't
 stop with one guitar. Pretty soon we were dealing with equipment, not just
 gifts. Jermaine got a bass and an amp. There were shakers for Jackie. Our
 bedroom and living room began to look like a music store. Sometimes I'd hear
 Mom and Dad fight when the subject of money was brought up, because all
 those instruments and accessories meant having to go without a little
 something we needed each week. Dad was persuasive, though, and he didn't
 miss a trick.
 
 We even had microphones in the house. They seemed like a real luxury at the
 time, especially to a woman who was trying to stretch a very small budget,
 but I've come to realise that having those microphones in our house wasn't
 just an attempt to keep up with the Joneses or anyone else in amateur night
 competitions. They were there to help us prepare. I saw people at talent
 shows, who probably sounded great at home, clam up the moment they got in
 front of a microphone. Others started screaming their songs like they wanted
 to prove they didn't need the mikes. They didn't have the advantage that we
 did - an advantage that only experience can give you. I think it probably
 made some people jealous because they could tell our expertise with the
 mikes gave us an edge. If that was true, we made so many sacrifices - in
 free time, schoolwork, and friends - that no one had the right to be
 jealous. We were becoming very good, but we were working like people twice
 our age.
 
 While I was watching my older brothers, including Marlon on the bongo drums,
 Dad got a couple of young guys named Johnny Jackson and Randy Rancifer to
 play trap drums and organ. Motown would later claim they were our cousins,
 but that was just an embellishment from the P.R. people, who wanted to make
 us seem like one big family. We had become a real band! I was like a sponge,
 watching everyone, and trying to learn everything I could. I was totally
 absorbed when my brothers were rehearsing or playing at charity events or
 shopping centres. I was most fascinated when watching Jermaine because he
 was the singer at the time and he was a big brother to me - Marlon was too
 close to me in age for that. It was Jermaine who would walk me to
 kindergarten and whose clothes would be handed down to me. When he did
 something, I tried to imitate him. When I was successful at it, my brothers
 and Dad would laugh, but when I began singing, they listened. I was singing
 in a baby voice then and just imitating sounds. I was so young I didn't know
 what many of the words meant, but the more I sang, the better I got.
 
 I always knew how to dance. I would watch Marlon's moves because Jermaine
 had the big bass to carry, but also because I could keep up with Marlon, who
 was only a year older then me. Soon I was doing most of the singing at home
 and preparing to join my brothers in public. Through our rehearsals, we were
 all becoming aware of our particular strengths and weaknesses as members of
 the group and the shift in responsibilities was happening naturally.
 
 Our family's house in Gary was tiny, only three rooms really, but at the
 time it seemed much larger to me. When you're that young, the whole world
 seems so huge that a little room can seem four times its size. When we went
 back to Gary years later, we were all surprised at how tiny that house was.
 I had remembered it as being large, but you could take five steps from the
 front door and you'd be out the back. It was really no bigger then a garage,
 but when we lived there it seemed fine to us kids. You see things from such
 a different perspective when you're young. Our school days in Gary are a
 blur for me. I vaguely remember being dropped off in front of my school on
 the first day of kindergarten, and I clearly remember hating it. I didn't
 want my mother to leave me, naturally, and I didn't want to be there.
 
 In time I adjusted, as all kids do, and I grew to love my teachers,
 especially the women. They were always very sweet to us and they just loved
 me. Those teachers were so wonderful; I'd be promoted from one grade to the
 next and they'd all cry and hug me and tell me how much they hated to see me
 leave their classes. I was so crazy about my teachers that I'd steal my
 mother's jewellery and give it to them as presents. They'd be very touched,
 but eventually my mother found out about it, and put an end to my generosity
 with her things. That urge that I had to give them something in return for
 all I was receiving was a measure of how much I loved them at that school.
 
 One day, in the first grade, I participated in a program that was put on
 before the whole school. Everyone of us in each class had to do something,
 so I went home and discussed it with my parents. We decided I should wear
 black pants and a white shirt and sing "Climb Ev'ry Mountain" from The Sound
 of Music . When I finished that song, the reaction in the auditorium
 overwhelmed me. The applause was thunderous and people were smiling; some of
 them were standing. My teachers were crying and I just couldn't believe it.
 I had made them all happy. It was such a great feeling. I felt a little
 confused too, because I didn't do anything special. I was just singing the
 way I sang at home every night. When you're performing, you don't realise
 what you sound like or how you're coming across. You just open your mouth
 and sing.
 
 Soon Dad was grooming us for talent contests. He was a great trainer, and he
 spent a lot of money and time working with us. Talent is something that God
 gives to a performer, but our father taught us how to cultivate it. I think
 we also had a certain instinct for show business. We loved to perform and we
 put everything we had into it. He's sit at home with us every day after
 school and rehearse us. We'd perform for him and he'd critique us. If you
 messed up, you got hit, sometimes with a belt, sometimes with a switch. My
 father was real strict with us - real strict. Marlon was the one who got in
 trouble all the time. On the other hand, I'd get beaten for things that
 happened mostly outside rehearsal. Dad would make me so mad and hurt that
 I'd try to get back at him and get beaten all the more. I'd take a shoe and
 throw it at him, or I'd just fight back, swinging my fists. That's why I got
 it more than all my brothers combined. I would fight back and my father
 would kill me, just tear me up. Mother told me I'd fight back even when I
 was very little, but I don't remember that. I do remember running under
 tables to get away from him, and making him angrier. We had a turbulent
 relationship.
 
 Most of the time, however, we just rehearsed. We always rehearsed.
 Sometimes, late at night, we'd have time to play games or with our toys.
 There might be a game of hide-and-go-seek or we'd jump rope, but that was
 about it. The majority of our time was spent working. I clearly remember
 running into the house with my brothers when my father came home, because
 we'd be in big trouble if we weren't ready to start rehearsals on time.
 
 Through all this, my mother was completely supportive. She had been the one
 who first recognised our talent and she continued to help us realise our
 potential. It's hard to imagine that we would have gotten where we did
 without her love and good humour. She worried about the stress we were under
 and the long hours of rehearsal, but we wanted to be the best we could be
 and we really loved music.
 
 Music was important in Gary. We had our own radio stations and nightclubs,
 and there was no shortage of people who wanted to be on them. After Dad ran
 our Saturday afternoon rehearsals, he'd go see a local show or even drive
 all the way to Chicago to see someone perform. He was always watching for
 things that could help us down the road. He'd come home and tell us what
 he'd seen and who was doing what. He kept up on all the latest stuff,
 whether it was a local theatre that ran contests we could enter or a
 Cavalcade of Stars show with great acts whose clothes or moves we might
 adapt. Sometimes I wouldn't see Dad until I got back from Kingdom Hall on
 Sundays, but as soon as I ran into the house he'd be telling me what he'd
 seen the night before. He'd assure me I could dance on one leg like James
 Brown if I'd only try this step. There I'd be, fresh out of church, and back
 in show business.
 
 We started collecting trophies with our act when I was six. Our lineup was
 set; the group featured me at second from the left, and Jackie on my right.
 Tito and his guitar took stage right, with Marlon next to him. Jackie was
 getting tall and he towered over Marlon and me. We kept that setup for
 contest after contest and it worked well. While other groups we'd meet would
 fight among themselves and quit, we were becoming more polished and
 experienced. The people in Gary who came regularly to see the talent shows
 got to know us, so we would try to top ourselves and surprise them. We
 didn't want them to begin to feel bored by our act. We knew change was
 always good, that it helped us grow, so we were never afraid of it.
 
 Winning an amateur night or talent show in a ten-minute, two-song set took
 as much energy as a ninety-minute concert. I'm convinced that because
 there's no room for mistakes, your concentration burns you up inside more on
 one or two songs than it does when you have the luxury of twelve or fifteen
 in a set. These talent shows were our professional education. Sometimes we'd
 drive hundreds of miles to do one song or two and hope the crowd wouldn't be
 against us because we weren't local talent. We were competing against people
 of all ages and skills, from drill teams to comedians to other singers and
 dancers like us. We had to grab that audience and keep it. Nothing was left
 to chance, so clothes, shoes, hair, everything had to be the way Dad planned
 it. We really looked amazingly professional. After all this planning, if we
 performed the songs the way we rehearsed them, the awards would take care of
 themselves. This was true even when we were in the Wallace High part of town
 where the neighbourhood had its own performers and cheering sections and we
 were challenging them right in their own backyards. Naturally, local
 performers always had their own very loyal fans, so whenever we went off our
 turf and onto someone else's, it was very hard. When the master of
 ceremonies held his hand over our heads for the "applause meter," we wanted
 to make sure that the crowd knew we had given them more than anyone else.
 
 As players, Jermaine, Tito, and the rest of us were under tremendous
 pressure. Our manger was the kind who reminded us that James Brown would
 fine his Famous Flames if they missed a cue or bent a note during a
 performance. As lead singer, I felt I - more than the others - couldn't
 afford an "off night." I can remember being onstage at night after being
 sick in bed all day. It was hard to concentrate at those times, yet I knew
 all the things my brothers and I had to do so well that I could have
 performed the routines in my sleep. At times like that, I had to remind
 myself not to look in the crowd for someone I knew, or at the emcee, both of
 which can distract a young performer. We did songs that people knew from the
 radio or songs that my father knew were already classics. If you messed up,
 you heard about it because the fans knew those songs and they knew how they
 were supposed to sound. If you were going to change an arrangement, it
 needed to sound better than the original.
 
 We won the citywide talent show when I was eight with our version of the
 Temptations' song "My Girl." The contest was held just a few blocks away at
 Roosevelt High. From Jermaine's opening bass notes and Tito's first guitar
 licks to all of us singing the chorus, we had people on their feet for the
 whole song. Jermaine and I traded verses while Marlon and Jackie spun like
 tops. It was a wonderful feeling for all of us to pass that trophy, our
 biggest yet, back and forth between us. Eventually it was propped on the
 front seat like a baby and we drove home with Dad telling us, "When you do
 it like you did tonight they can't not give it to you."
 
 We were now Gary city champions and Chicago was our next target because it
 was the area that offered the steadiest work and the best word of mouth for
 miles and miles. We began to plan our strategy in earnest. My father's group
 played the Chicago sound of Muddy Waters and Howlin' Wolf, but he was
 open-minded enough to see that the more upbeat, slicker sounds that appealed
 to us kids had a lot to offer. We were lucky because some people his age
 weren't that hip. In fact, we knew musicians who thought the sixties sound
 was beneath people their age, but not Dad. He recognised great singing when
 he heard it, even telling us that he saw the great doo-wop group from Gary,
 the Spaniels, when they were stars not that much older than we. When Smokey
 Robinson of the Miracles sang a song like "Tracks of My Tears" or "Ooo, Baby
 Baby," he'd be listening as hard as we were. The sixties didn't leave
 Chicago behind musically, Great singers like the Impressions with Curtis
 Mayfield, Jerry Butler, Major Lance, and Tyrone Davis were playing all over
 the city at the same places we were. At this point my father was managing us
 full-time, with only a part-time shift at the mill. Mom had some doubts
 about the soundness of this decision, not because she didn't think we were
 good but because she didn't know anyone else who was spending the majority
 of his time trying to break his children into the music business. She was
 even less thrilled when Dad told her he had booked us as a regular act at
 Mr. Lucky's, a Gary nightspot. We were being forced to spend our weekends in
 Chicago and other places trying to win an ever-increasing number of amateur
 shows, and these trips were expensive, so the job at Mr. Lucky's was a way
 to make it all possible. Mom was surprised at the response we were getting
 and she was very pleased with the awards and the attention, but she worried
 about us a lot. She worried about me because of my age. "This is quite a
 life for a nine-year-old," she would say, staring intently at my father.
 
 I don't know what my brothers and I expected, but the nightclub crowds
 weren't the same as the Roosevelt High crowds. We were playing between bad
 comedians, cocktail organists, and strippers. With my Witness upbringing,
 Mom was concerned that I was hanging out with the wrong people and getting
 introduced to things I'd be better off learning much later in life. She
 didn't have to worry; just one look at some of those strippers wasn't going
 to get me that interested in trouble - certainly not at nine years old! That
 was an awful way to live, though, and it made us all the more determined to
 move on up the circuit and as far away from that life as we could go.
 
 Being at Mr. Lucky's meant that for the first time in our lives we had a
 whole show to do - five sets a night, six nights a week - and if Dad could
 get us something out of town for the seventh night, he was going to do it.
 We were working hard, but the bar crowds weren't bad to us. They liked James
 Brown and Sam and Dave just as much as we did and, besides, we were
 something extra that came free with the drinking and the carrying on, so
 they were surprised and cheerful. We even had some fun with them on one
 number, the Joe Tex song "Skinny Legs and All." We'd start the song and
 somewhere in the middle I'd go out into the audience, crawl under the
 tables, and pull up the ladies' skirts to look under. People would throw
 money as I scurried by, and when I began to dance, I'd scoop up all the
 dollars and coins that had hit the floor earlier and push them into the
 pockets of my jacket.
 
 I wasn't really nervous when we began playing in because of all the
 experience I'd had with talent show audiences. I was always ready to go out
 and perform, you know, just do it - sing and dance and have some fun.
 
 We worked in more than one club that had strippers in those days. I used to
 stand in the wings of this one place in Chicago and watch a lady whose name
 was Mary Rose. I must have been nine or ten. This girl would take off her
 clothes and her panties and throw them to the audience. The men would pick
 them up and sniff them and yell. My brothers and I would be watching all
 this, taking it in, and my father wouldn't mind. We were exposed to a lot
 doing that kind of circuit. In one place they had cut a little hole in the
 musician's dressing room wall that also happened to act as a wall in the
 ladies' bathroom. You could peek through this hole, and I saw stuff I've
 never forgotten. Guys on that circuit were so wild, they did stuff like
 drilling little holes into the walls of the ladies' loo all the time. Of
 course, I'm sure that my brothers and I were fighting over who got to look
 through the hole. "Get outta the way, it's my turn!" Pushing each other away
 to make room for ourselves.
 
 Later, when we did the Apollo Theater in New York, I saw something that
 really blew me away because I didn't know things like that existed. I had
 seen quite a few strippers, but that night this one girl with gorgeous
 eyelashes and long hair came out and did her routine. She put on a great
 performance. All of a sudden, at the end, she took off her wig, pulled a
 pair of big oranges out of her bra, and revealed that she was a hard-faced
 guy under all that makeup. That blew me away. I was only a child and
 couldn't even conceive of anything like that. But I looked out at the
 theatre audience and they were going for it. applauding wildly and cheering.
 I'm just a little kid, standing in the wings, watching this crazy stuff.
 I was blown away.
 
 As I said, I received quite an education as a child. More than most. Perhaps
 this freed me to concentrate on other aspects of my life as an adult.
 
 One day, not long after we'd been doing successfully in Chicago clubs, Dad
 brought home a tape of some songs we'd never heard before. We were
 accustomed to doing popular stuff off the radio, so we were curious why he
 began playing these songs over and over again, just one guy singing none too
 well with some guitar chords in the background. Dad told us that the man on
 the tape wasn't really a performer but a songwriter who owned a recording
 studio in Gary. His name was Mr. Keith and he had given us a week to
 practice his songs to see if we could make a record out of them. Naturally,
 we were excited. We wanted to make a record, any record.
 
 We worked strictly on the sound, ignoring the dancing routines we'd normally
 work up for a new song. It wasn't as much fun to do a song that none of us
 knew, but we were already professional enough to hide our disappointment and
 give it all we could. When we were ready and felt we had done our best with
 the material, Dad got us on tape after a few false starts and more than a
 few pep talks, of course. After a day or two of trying to figure out whether
 Mr. Keith liked the tape we had made for him, Dad suddenly appeared with
 more of his songs for us to learn for our first recording session.
 
 Mr. Keith, like Dad, was a mill worker who loved music, only he was more
 into the recording and business end. His studio and label were called
 Steeltown. Looking back on all this, I realize Mr. Keith was just as excited
 as we were. His studio was downtown, and we went early one Saturday morning
 before "The Road Runner Show," my favourite show at the time. Mr. Keith met
 us at the door and opened the studio. He showed us a small glass booth with
 all kinds of equipment in it and explained what various tasks each
 performed. It didn't look like we'd have to lean over any more tape
 recorders, at least not in this studio. I put on some big metal headphones,
 which came halfway down my neck, and tried to make myself look ready for
 anything.
 
 As my brothers were figuring out where to plug in their instruments and
 stand, some backup singers and a horn section arrived. At first I assumed
 they were there to make a record after us. We were delighted and amazed when
 we found out they were there to record with us. We looked over at Dad, but
 he didn't change expression. He'd obviously known about it and approved.
 Even then people knew not to throw Dad surprises. We were told to listen to
 Mr. Keith, who would instruct us while we were in the booth. If we did as he
 said, the record would take care of itself.
 
 After a few hours, we finished Mr. Keith's first song. Some of the backup
 singers and horn players hadn't made records either and found it difficult,
 but they also didn't have a perfectionist for a manager, so they weren't
 used to doing things over and over the way we were. It was at times like
 these that we realized how hard Dad worked to make us consummate
 professionals. We came back the next few Saturdays, putting the songs we'd
 rehearsed during the week into the can and taking home a new tape of Mr.
 Keith's each time. One Saturday, Dad even brought his guitar in to perform
 with us. It was the one and only time he ever recorded with us. After the
 records were pressed, Mr. Keith gave us some copies so that we could sell
 them between sets and after shows. We knew that wasn't how the big groups
 did it, but everyone had to start someplace, and in those days, having a
 record with your group's name on it was quite something. We felt very
 fortunate.
 
 That first Steeltown single, "Big Boy," had a mean bass line. It was a nice
 song about a kid who wanted to fall in love with some girl. Of course, in
 order to get the full picture, you have to imagine a skinny nine-year-old
 singing this song. The words said I didn't want to hear fairy tales any
 more, but in truth I was far too young to grasp the real meanings of most of
 the words in these songs. I just sang what they gave me.
 
 When that record with its killer bass line began to get radio play in Gary,
 we became a big deal in out neighborhood. No one could believe we had our
 own record. We had a hard time believing it.
 
 After that first Steeltown record, we began to aim for all the big talent
 shows in Chicago. Usually the other acts would look me over carefully when
 they met me, because I was so little, particularly the ones who went on
 after us. One day Jackie was cracking up, like someone had told him the
 funniest joke in the world. This wasn't a good sign right before a show, and
 I could tell Dad was worried he was going to screw up onstage. Dad went over
 to say a word to him, but Jackie whispered something in his ear and soon Dad
 was holding his sides, laughing. I wanted to know the joke too. Dad said
 proudly that Jackie had overheard the headlining act talking among
 themselves. One guy said, "We'd better not let those Jackson 5 cut us
 tonight with that midget they've got."
 
 I was upset at first because my feelings were hurt. I thought they were
 being mean. I couldn't help it that I was the shortest, but soon all the
 other brothers were cracking up too. Dad explained that they weren't
 laughing at me. He told me that I should be proud, the group was talking
 trash because they thought I was a grown-up posing as a child like one of
 the Munchkins in The Wizard Of Oz. Dad said that if I had those slick guys
 talking like the neighborhood kids who gave us grief back in Gary, then we
 had Chicago on the run.
 
 We still had some running of our own to do. After we played some pretty good
 clubs in Chicago, Dad signed us up for the Royal Theatre amateur night
 competition in town. He had gone to see B. B. King at the Regal the night he
 made his famous live album. When Dad gave Tito that sharp red guitar years
 earlier, we had teased him by thinking of girls he could name his guitar
 after, like B. B. King's Lucille. We won that show for three straight weeks,
 with a new song every week to keep the regular members of the audience
 guessing. Some of the other performers complained that it was greedy for us
 to keep coming back, but they were after the same thing we were. There was a
 policy that if you won the amateur night three straight times, you'd be
 invited back to do a paid show for thousands of people, not dozens like the
 audiences we were playing to in bars. We got that opportunity and the show
 was headlined by Gladys Knight and the Pips, who were breaking in a new song
 no one knew called "I Heard It Through The Grapevine." It was a heady night.
 
 After Chicago, we had one more big amateur show we really felt we needed to
 win: the Apollo Theatre in New York City. A lot of Chicago people thought a
 win at the Apollo was just a good luck charm and nothing more, but Dad saw
 it as much more than that. He knew New York had a high caliber of talent
 just like Chicago and he knew there were more record people and professional
 musicians in New York than Chicago. If we could make it in New York, we
 could make it anywhere. That's what a win at the Apollo meant to us.
 
 Chicago had sent a kind of scouting report on us to New York and our
 reputation was such that the Apollo entered us in the "Superdog" finals,
 even though we hadn't been to any of the preliminary competitions. By this
 time, Gladys Knight had already talked to us about coming to Motown, as had
 Bobby Taylor, a member of the Vancouvers, with whom my father had become
 friendly. Dad had told them we'd be happy to audition for Motown, but that
 was in out future. We got to the Apollo at 125th Street early enough to get
 a guided tour. We walked through the theatre and stared at all of the
 pictures of the stars who'd played there, white as well as black. The
 manager concluded by showing us to the dressing room, but by then I had
 found pictures of all my favourites.
 
 While my brothers and I were paying dues on the so-called "chitlin'
 circuit," opening for other acts, I carefully watched all the stars because
 I wanted to learn as much as I could. I'd stare at their feet, the way they
 held their arms, the way they gripped a microphone, trying to decipher what
 they were doing and why they were doing it. After studying James Brown from
 the wings, I knew every step, every grunt, every spin and turn. I have to
 say he would give a performance that would exhaust you, just wear you out
 emotionally. His whole physical presence, the fire coming out of his pores,
 would be phenomenal. You'd feel every bead of sweat on his face and you'd
 know what he was going through. I've never seen anybody perform like him.
 Unbelievable, really. When I watched somebody I liked, I'd be there. James
 Brown, Jackie Wilson, Sam and Dave, the O'Jays - they all used to really
 work an audience. I might have learned more from watching Jackie Wilson than
 from anyone or anything else. All of this was a very important part of my
 education.
 
 We would stand offstage, behind the curtains, and watch everyone come off
 after performing and they'd be all sweaty. I'd just stand aside in awe and
 watch them walk by. And they would all wear these beautiful patent-leather
 shoes. My whole dream seemed to center on having a pair of patent-leather
 shoes. I remember being so heartbroken because they didn't make them in
 little boys' sizes. I'd go from store to store looking for patent-leather
 shoes and they'd say, "We don't make them that small." I was so sad because
 I wanted to have shoes that looked the way those stage shoes looked,
 polished and shining, turning red and orange when the lights hit them. Oh,
 how I wanted some patent-leather shoes like the ones Jackie Wilson wore.
 
 Most of the time I'd be alone backstage. My brothers would be upstairs
 eating and talking and I'd be down in the wings, crouching real low, holding
 on to the dusty, smelly curtain and watching the show. I mean, I really did
 watch every step, every move, every twist, every turn, every grind, every
 emotion, every light move. That was my education and my recreation. I was
 always there when I had free time. My father, my brothers, other musicians,
 they all knew where to find me. They would tease me about it, but I was so
 absorbed in what I was seeing, or in remembering what I had just seen, that
 I didn't care. I remember all those theatres: the Regal, the Uptown, the
 Apollo - too many to name. The talent that came out of those places is of
 mythical proportions. The greatest education in the world is watching the
 masters at work. You couldn't teach a person what I've learned just standing
 and watching. Some musicians - Springsteen and U2, for example - may feel
 they got their education from the streets. I'm a performed at heart. I got
 mine from the stage.
 
 Jackie Wilson was on the wall at the Apollo. The photographer captured him
 with one leg up, twisted, but not out of position from catching the mike
 stand he'd just whipped back and forth. He could have been singing a sad
 lyric like "Lonely Teardrops," and yet he had that audience so bug-eyed with
 his dancing that no one could feel sad or lonely.
 
 Sam and Dave's picture was down the corridor, next to an old big-band shot.
 Dad had become friendly with Sam Moore. I remember being happily amazed that
 he was nice to me when I met him for the first time. I had been singing his
 songs for so long that I thought he'd want to box my ears. And not far from
 them was "The King of Them All, Mr. Dynamite, Mr. Please Please Himself,"
 James Brown. Before he came along, a singer was a singer and a dancer was a
 dancer. A singer might have danced and a dancer might have sung, but unless
 you were Fred Astaire or Gene Kelly, you probably did one better than the
 other, especially in a live performance. But he changed all that. No
 spotlight could keep up with him when he skidded across the stage - you had
 to flood it! I wanted to be that good.
 
 We won the Apollo amateur night competition, and I felt like going back to
 those photos on the walls and thanking my "teachers." Dad was so happy he
 said he could have flown back to Gary that night. He was on top of the world
 and so were we. My brothers and I had gotten straight A's and we were hoping
 we might get to skip a "grade." I certainly sensed that we wouldn't be doing
 talent shows and strip joints much longer.
 
 In the summer of 1968 we were introduced to the music of a family group that
 was going to change our sound and our lives. They didn't all have the same
 last name, they were black and white, men and women, and they were called
 Sly and the Family Stone. They had some amazing hits over the years, such as
 "Dance to the Music," "Stand," "Hot Fun in the Summertime." My brothers
 would point at me when they heard the line about the midget standing tall
 and by now I'd laugh along. We heard these songs all over the dial, even on
 the rock stations. They were a tremendous influence on all of us Jacksons
 and we owe them a lot.
 
 After the Apollo, we kept playing with one eye on the map and one ear to the
 phone. Mom and Dad had a rule about no more than five minutes a call, but
 when we came back from the Apollo, even five minutes was too long. We had to
 keep the lines clear in case anyone from a record company wanted to get in
 touch with us. We lived in fear of having them get a busy signal. We wanted
 to hear from one record company in particular, and if they called, we wanted
 to answer.
 
 While we waited, we found out that someone who had seen us at the Apollo had
 recommended us to "The David Frost Show" in New York City. We were going to
 be on TV! That was the biggest thrill we'd ever had. I told everyone at
 school, and told the ones who didn't believe me twice. We were going to
 drive out there in a few days. I was counting the hours. I had imagined the
 whole trip, trying to figure out what the studio would be like and how it
 would be to look into a television camera.
 
 I came home with the travelling work my teacher had made up in advance. We
 had one more dress rehearsal and then we'd make a final song selection. I
 wondered which songs we'd be doing.
 
 That afternoon, Dad said the trip to New York was cancelled. We all stopped
 in our tracks and just stared at him.
 
 We were shocked. I was ready to cry. We had been about to get our big break.
 How could they do this to us? What was going on? Why had Mr. Frost changed
 his mind? I was reeling and I think everyone else was, too. "I cancelled
 it," my father announced calmly. Again we all stared at him, unable to
 speak. "Motown called." A chill ran down my spine.
 
 I remember the days leading up to that trip with near-perfect clarity. I can
 see myself waiting outside Randy's first-grade classroom. It was Marlon's
 turn to walk him home, but we switched for today.
 
 Randy's teacher wished me luck in Detroit, because Randy had told her we
 were going to Motown to audition. He was so excited that I had to remind
 myself that he didn't really know what Detroit was. All the family had been
 talking about was Motown, and Randy didn't even know what a city was. The
 teacher told me he was looking for Motown on the globe in the classroom. She
 said that in her opinion we should do "You Don't Know Like I Know" the way
 she saw us do it at the Regal in Chicago when a bunch of teachers drove over
 to see us. I helped Randy put his coat on and politely agreed to keep it in
 mind - knowing that we couldn't do a Sam and Dave song at a Motown audition
 because they were on Stax, a rival label. Dad told us the companies were
 serious about that kind of stuff, so he wanted us to know there'd be no
 messing around when we got there. He looked at me and said he'd like to see
 his ten-year-old singer make it to eleven.
 
 We left the Garrett Elementary School building for the short walk home, but
 we had to hurry. I remember getting anxious as a car swept by, then another.
 Randy took my hand, and we waved to the crossing guard. I knew La Toya would
 have to go out if her way tomorrow to take Randy to school because Marlon
 and I would be staying over in Detroit with the others.
 
 The last time we played at the Fox Theatre in Detroit, we left right after
 the show and got back to Gary at five o'clock in the morning. I slept in the
 car most of the way, so going to school that morning wasn't as bad as it
 might have been. But by the afternoon three o'clock rehearsal I was dragging
 around like someone with lead weights for feet.
 
 We could have left that night right after our set, since we were third on
 the bill, but that would have meant missing the headliner, Jackie Wilson.
 I'd seen him on other stages, but at the Fox he and his band were on a
 rising stage that moved up as he start his show. Tired as I was after school
 the next day, I remember trying some of those moves in rehearsal after
 practising in front of a long mirror in the bathroom at school while the
 other kids looked on. My father was pleased and we incorporated those steps
 into one of my routines.
 
 Just before Randy and I turned the corner onto Jackson Street, there was a
 big puddle. I looked for cars but there weren't any, so I let go of Randy's
 hand and jumped the puddle, catching on my toes so I could spin without
 getting the cuffs of my corduroys wet. I looked back at Randy, knowing that
 he wanted to do the things I did. He stepped back to get a running start,
 but I realised that it was a pretty big puddle, too big for him to cross
 without getting wet, so, being a big brother first and a dance teacher
 second, I caught him before he landed short and got wet.
 
 Across the street the neighbourhood kids were buying candy, and even some of
 the kids who were giving me a hard time at school asked when we were going
 to Motown. I told them and bought candy for them and Randy, too, with my
 allowance. I didn't want Randy to feel bad about my going away.
 
 As we approached the house I heard Marlon yell, "Someone shut that door!"
 The side of out VW minibus was wide open, and I shuddered, thinking about
 how cold it was going to be on the long ride up to Detroit. Marlon had beat
 us home and was already helping Jackie load the bus with our stuff. Jackie
 and Tito got home in plenty of time for once: They were supposed to have
 basketball practice, but the winter in Indiana had been nothing but slush
 and we were anxious to get a good start. Jackie was on the high school
 basketball team that year, and Dad liked to say that the next time we went
 to play in Indianapolis would be when Roosevelt went to the state
 championships. The Jackson 5 would play between the evening and morning
 games, and Jackie would sink the winning shot for the title. Dad liked to
 tease us, but you never knew what might happen with the Jacksons. He wanted
 us to be good at many things, not just music. I think maybe he got that
 drive from his father, who taught school. I know my teachers were never as
 hard on us as he was, and they were getting paid to be tough and demanding.
 
 Mom came to the door and gave us the thermos and the sandwiches she had
 packed. I remember her telling me not to rip the dress shirt she had packed
 for me after sewing it up the night before. Randy and I helped put some
 things in the bus and then went back into the kitchen, where Rebbie was
 keeping one eye on Dad's supper and the other on little Janet, who was in
 the high chair.
 
 Rebbie's life was never easy as the oldest. We knew that as soon as the
 Motown audition was over, we'd find out if we had to move or not. If we did,
 she was going to move South with her fiance. She always ran things when Mom
 was at night school finishing the high school diploma she was denied because
 of her illness. I couldn't believe it when Mom told us she was going to get
 her diploma. I remember worrying that she'd have to go to school with kids
 Jackie's or Tito's age and that they'd laugh at her. I remember how she
 laughed when I told her this and how she patiently explained that she'd be
 with other grown-ups. It was interesting having a mother who did homework
 like the rest of us.
 
 Loading up the bus was easier than usual. Normally Ronnie and Johnny would
 have come to back us up, but Motown's own musicians would be playing being
 us, so we were going alone. Jermaine was in our room finishing some of his
 assignments when I walked in. I knew he wanted to get them out of the way.
 He told me that we ought to take off for Motown by ourselves and leave Dad,
 since Jackie had taken driver's ed and was in possession of a set of keys.
 We both laughed, but deep down I couldn't imagine going without Dad. Even on
 the occasions when Mom led out after-school rehearsals because Dad hadn't
 come home from his shift on time, it was still like having him there because
 she acted as his eyes and ears. She always knew what had been good the night
 before and what had gotten sloppy today. Dad would pick it up from there at
 night. It seemed to me that they almost gave each other signals or something
 - Dad could always tell if we had been playing like we were supposed to by
 some invisible indication from Mom.
 
 There was no long good-bye at the door when we left for Motown. Mom was used
 to our being away for days, and during school vacations. LaToya pouted a
 little because she wanted to go. She had only seen us in Chicago, and we had
 never been able to stay long enough in places like Boston of Phoenix to
 bring her back anything. I think our lives must have seemed pretty glamorous
 to her because she had to stay home and go to school. Rebbie had her hands
 full trying to put Janet to sleep, but she called good-bye and waved. I gave
 Randy a last pat on the head and we were off.
 
 Dad and Jackie went over the map as we drove away, mostly out of habit,
 because we had been to Detroit before, of course. We passed Mr. Keith's
 recording studio downtown by City Hall as we made our way through town. We
 had done some demos at Mr. Keith's that Dad sent to Motown after the
 Steeltown record. The sun was going down when we hit the highway. Marlon
 announced that if we heard one of our records on WVON, it was going to bring
 us luck. We all nodded. Dad asked us if we remembered what WVON stood for as
 he nudged Jackie to keep quiet. I kept looking out the window, thinking
 about the possibilities that lay ahead, but Jermaine jumped in. "Voice of
 the Negro," he said. Soon we were calling roll all over the dial. "WGN -
 World's Greatest Newspaper." The Chicago Tribune owned it.) "WLS - World's
 Largest Store." (Sears) "WCFL . . ." We stopped, stumped. "Chicago
 Federation of Labor," Dad said, motioning for the thermos. We turned onto
 I-94, and the Gary station faded into a Kalamazoo station. We began flipping
 around, looking for Beatle music on CKLW from Windsor, Ontario, Canada.
 
 I had always been a Monopoly fan at home, and there was something about
 driving to Motown that was a little like that game. In Monopoly you go
 around the board buying things and making decisions; the "chitlin' circuit"
 of theatres where we played and won contests was kind of like a Monopoly
 board full of possibilities and pitfalls. After all the stops along the way,
 we finally landed at the Apollo Theatre in Harlem, which was definitely Park
 Place for young performers like us. Now we were on our way up Boardwalk,
 heading for Motown. Would we win the game or slide past Go with a long board
 separating us from our goal for another round?
 
 There was something changing in me, and I could feel it, even shivering in
 the minibus. For years we'd make the drive over to Chicago wondering if we
 were good enough to ever get out of Gary, and we were. Then we took the
 drive to New York, certain that we'd fall off the edge of the earth if we
 weren't good enough to make it there. Even those nights in Philadelphia and
 Washington didn't reassure me enough to keep me from wondering if there
 wasn't someone or some group we didn't know about in New York who could beat
 us. When we tore it down at the Apollo, we finally felt that nothing could
 stand in our way. We were going to Motown, and nothing there was going to
 surprise us either. We were going to surprise them, just like we always did.
 
 Dad pulled the typewritten directions out of the glove compartment and we
 pulled off the highway, passing the Woodward Avenue exit. There weren't many
 people on the streets because it was a school night for everybody else.
 
 Dad was a little nervous about whether our accommodations would be okay,
 which surprised me until I realised the Motown people had picked the hotel.
 We weren't used to having things done for us. We liked to be our own bosses.
 Dad had always been our booking agent, travel agent, and manager. When he
 wasn't taking care of the arrangements, Mom was. So it was no wonder that
 even Motown managed to make Dad feel suspicious that he should have made the
 reservations, that he should have handled everything.
 
 We stayed at the Gotham Hotel. The reservations had been made and everything
 was in order. There was a TV in our room, but all the stations had signed
 off, and with the audition at ten o'clock, we weren't going to get to stay
 up any later anyway. Dad put us right to bed, locked the door, and went out.
 Jermaine and I were too tired to even talk.
 
 We were all up on time the next morning; Dad saw to that. But, in truth, we
 were just as excited as he was and hopped out of bed when we called us. The
 audition was unusual for us because we hadn't played in many places where
 they expected us to be professional. We knew it was going to be difficult to
 judge whether we were doing well. We were used to audience response whether
 we were competing or just performing at a club, but Dad had told us the
 longer we stayed, the more they wanted to hear.
 
 We climbed into the VW, after cereal and milk at the coffee shop. I noticed
 they offered grits on the menu, so I knew there were a lot of Southern
 people who stayed there. We had never been to the South then and wanted to
 visit Mom's part of the country someday. We wanted to have a sense of our
 roots and those of other black people, especially after what had happened to
 Dr. King. I remember so well the day he died. Everyone was torn up. We
 didn't rehearse that night. I went to Kingdom Hall with Mom and some of the
 others. People were crying like they had lost a member of their own family.
 Even the men who were usually pretty unemotional were unable to control
 their grief. I was too young to grasp the full tragedy of the situation, but
 when I look back on that day now, it makes me want to cry - for Dr. King,
 for his family, and for all of us.
 
 Jermaine was the first
 
 _________________
 "I love you more"
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		| 13 Nov 2009 16:25 |     |   
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